Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
