why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
