I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
