I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
