in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
