i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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