I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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