Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
