I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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