It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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