dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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