singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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