:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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