She said her name was "party"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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