oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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