god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
