Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.