you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say