yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.