I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.