doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?