you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
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I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
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He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...