my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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