would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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