just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
