Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
