Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
