Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
