My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
