i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
