nut hugger
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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