Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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