I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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