somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
