So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
