Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
