he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm so fucking centered right now
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
