i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
