I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
