I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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