dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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