I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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