Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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