When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
