She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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