I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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