Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
