i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
