Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
