I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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