I'm jealous of your bromance
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
