was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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