When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
