apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
