It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
