I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
