Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
