just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
