my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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