dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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