Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
