Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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