The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
