i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
