If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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