You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
