Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
