It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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