OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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