Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
