she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize