that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
